Romance Realists Gifts

"I'm experimenting with an arrow that dramatically lowers expectations."

Tunnel of love, then disillusionment, then mundane humdrum coexistence.

"You were the one, but now I need another one."

'Two can live as cheaply as one, but I refuse to live with a cheapskate.'

The currency of love - Size is everything.

Tunnel of Sexual Transmitted Diseases

Couple burning romance graffiti

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"You owe me five bucks."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"We'll always have Paris..."

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

"...until death do you a favor."

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

'All I want for Valentine's Day is a Greek fisherman's cap.'

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

Marriage least expected to last...

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.