Romantic Realist Gifts

"Will you call me?"

Men. After shelling out for flowers, dinner and a movie, they all expect the same thing: a refund.

"I'd give him like a 4 for looks, but his Covid precautions are a solid 9."

"Look, I can't promise I'll change, but I can promise I'll pretend to change."

'Okay, I admit the photo I sent you wasn't that recent, and I'm not really a male model. But everything else is true!'

'Darling, how romantic...a pre-nup.'

"It's not you, Frank, it's me - I don't like you."

'Subject to contract, will you be my wife?'

'This is the era of transparency. I'm marrying you for your money.'

"We're in the tub together. But not like it used to be."

'I have a very supportive family.'

"The women on these dating sites don't seem to believe I'm a prince."

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

'Let's not play hard to get. We both know it's a buyer's market.'

Generic Joe meets plain Jane. It was a match made in a place very similar to Heaven, but without the overhead.

"O.K., but what's our exit strategy?"

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

"I assure you, my sweet, I can't think of anyone I would rather have hound me into my grave than you."

'Be My Valentine'

Woman reading book entitled 'Mad Love' while man is fast asleep, hugging his golf clubs.

'I hope you realize, Madelaine, that you're in violaton of section G, paragraph 3a, of our prenuptial agreement.'

'You're a nice guy and all that, but I'm looking for somebody more symmetrical.'

'No Longer Welcome' mat

'Can't you give the dummy mouth to mouth without getting romantically involved Mrs Wilks?'

Rioters carrying sign reading 'Actually, it's more complicated than that'.

"Gee, Dave, a proposal to balance the budget wasn't really what I was expecting."

'I'll crunch the numbers and get back to you.'

Two prisoners talking. 'Laws are a lot like women. You can't please 'em all the time.'

"Our lives are so predictable." - "I knew you were going to say that."

"I can't help but think that things might have turned out differently if we had never met."

'...and I promise to love, honor, and take this man for granted until death do we part.'

"See, it's right here in the pre-nup. If you walk out, I get two weeks' severance sex."

'Your divorce was so mature, balanced, rational...you want to throw that all away with a reconciliation?'

'Love is a rose... that's all we really know about it.'

' Well..She did it to me again.'