Relationships Realist Pillows

'We're reconciled-thanks to the Lottery rollover!'

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"We'll always have Paris..."

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"You owe me five bucks."

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

'All I want for Valentine's Day is a Greek fisherman's cap.'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"...until death do you a favor."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

Marriage least expected to last...

"Harold, you've changed."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."