Relationship Dynamics Lover Pillows

"It's not fair, you only take me out when you know I'm dieting!"

"As long as you're getting all religious you can start worshipping me."

"Being an estate agent, I should have know you'd exaggerate everthing!"

"I can't get around the house like I used to"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

'Men order. . . women shop.'

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

Awkward First Dates

Bee to othe: 'You knew I was a workaholic when we first met.'

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

"That’s ridiculous! What makes you think you were adopted?"

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

'We met through a radiocarbon dating service.'

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"When I take your arm Charlene, there's no need to flex."

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

Monogamy

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

“I don’t mind doing the dishes every night—it gives me time to deepen my resentment.”

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

'You can't keep rescuing him. If he really wants help, book him an appointment.'

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

"You call that worrying?"