Relationship Dynamics Fans Pillows

'You got a raise in your pay packet last month...Didn't your wife tell you?'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

"Nothing else in my room can spin on the floor like a bottle."

Awkward First Dates

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

A child as a pet substitute.

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'So, you're an organ-grinder's monkey? A professional beggar? Is that how you intend to support my daughter?'

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"We need to have a serious talk."

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

'You are right, honey, it's raining too much. It's not the best day to visit my mom.'

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

Monogamy

"When I take your arm Charlene, there's no need to flex."

“I don’t mind doing the dishes every night—it gives me time to deepen my resentment.”