Relationship Dynamics Fan Pillows

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

"Wait - I can explain!"

"Damn, you are smooth."

'I asked him if he had any security and he said social security!'

'You can call it oral tradition if you want to, but I still say it's gossip!'

'Before and after a hair replacement treatment.'

'Hi honey! I'm home. What's for dinner? Let me repeat that...' (House appears empty).

'And now for the second opinion.'

"Of course I haven't been drinking, you big fat tub of lard."

'Just tell her you're meeting me in the Crown for a drink, whether she likes it or not!'

Maud got a belly button stud.

'I put the bins out.' - 'Hold on, I just need to finish a really important e-mail.' - '*whine*' - 'Okay, okay! Who's a good boy, then?!' - 'Me! I am!'

'Humans are so strange ... they think eating crow is humiliating.'

'I'll go out with you if you lose the ponytail.'

'You can't keep rescuing him. If he really wants help, book him an appointment.'

Marriage Verite

'It's sweet of you, Mister Spagthorpe but I'm not looking for a sugar grandaddy!'

Wife tells husband in hospital 'It's always about you'.

Quirk of Evolution favouring the female of the species.

'I don't deserve you? Listen, NOBODY deserves you!'

'I warned you not to throw in our old holiday currency.'

'That wasn't Usain Bolt, it was my husband going to the pub.'

"Did you say something?" "That was last night!"

"You are really going to like Charles. He's my favourite ex-boyfriend."

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"Please, could you lose the hindsight, just for today?"

"Well, darn, Ted, I just can't stay mad at you."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."