Relationship Dynamics Buff Pillows

"You're certainly a lot less fun since the operation."

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

'Men order. . . women shop.'

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

Awkward First Dates

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"Is this your bright idea, Janet?"

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

Monogamy

"When I take your arm Charlene, there's no need to flex."

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

'Here's what she was reading - an articl called 'Parents can be fun'.'

“I don’t mind doing the dishes every night—it gives me time to deepen my resentment.”

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"And do you, Courtney, take this man....Courtney!"

"The defense rests."

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

"Well, it's another brand-new day. What do you say to getting up and looking the damn thing straight in the eye?"

"Wait ... I always thought taking each other for granted was a good thing!"

'You can't keep rescuing him. If he really wants help, book him an appointment.'

'We should talk more.'