Interpersonal Dynamics Lover Pillows

"That’s ridiculous! What makes you think you were adopted?"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"Truth is relative at these reunions. It depends on which relative you talk to."

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

'You can't keep rescuing him. If he really wants help, book him an appointment.'

"You call that worrying?"

"I'm sensing that the role-playing homework I gave you didn't work."

The Adventures of Morton - Personality Conflict

'Mom, would you have married Dad if you had seen him in high definition first?'

You have to hunt a different one

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

Old and young

'I'm Alan, the chronically misunderstood employee...'

'Some have a love life - I have a 'can't-stand-for-the-man-to-be-right' life.'

"Well, darn, Ted, I just can't stay mad at you."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. Let me do it."

Silent Body Language

Quirk of Evolution favouring the female of the species.

"Jack and Nina's concern grew when their son, James, confided in them that his imaginary friend was, in fact, a short-tempered snapping turtle."

'Humans are so strange ... they think eating crow is humiliating.'

'Sorry, chum - joint bank account!'

'Mark, I think we need to discuss the nature of our relationship.'

Well, looks like I'm sleeping on the couch tonight - She put up the mosquito netting.

'You want me take ANOTHER shower? I took one of those last week!'

"Did you say something?" "That was last night!"

I don't mind you being the butch one in our relationship, but must you keep leaving the toilet seat up?

'And now for the second opinion.'

'Bring your birth certificate when you pick me up - My Dad will want to see it.'

'You can call it oral tradition if you want to, but I still say it's gossip!'

'I asked him if he had any security and he said social security!'

'Of course you still look good Darling, but then again, I have bad eyesight...'