Relationship Detective Pillows

'I followed your husband yesterday. He spent the whole day following you.'

"I'm devastated...I found a long grey hair on his suit this morning. Instead of lying and telling me he had another woman, the b**stard points out that it's one of mine!"

"I wish you'd open up to me. I need some ammunition."

'Gerald wears an interactivre global positioning device, so I can make sure he's not having any office flings.'

"The man I dated wasn't honest with me. He told me he earns six figures. He never told me that includes the decimal."

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

"Hola! Tia Carmen's psychic hotline! Can I tell you where your lousy cheating boyfriend is right now?"

"Never trust a man! Rupert told me he was vegetarian, but guess what I found in his pocket....spare ribs and roast beef!"

"I think he must have a fancy woman - someone has been darning his socks."

"Will you still keep an open mind when I tell you she scratched your car while parking?"

'What she doesn't see in him is a mystery to me.'

"What's this I hear about you and some bird?"

'I think he's got a fancy woman - someone's been darning his socks.'

'I know there are a lot of Smiths about but is there a teeny-weeny chance we could be related?'

Debbie attaches her husband to a proprietary dream monitor to make sure he doesn't cheat on her in his sleep.

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

'I was just curious to see what my husband spends all his money on...'

"I always take an interest in my husband's hobbies. . . that's why I hired a private detective. . ."

"Are you sure you haven't been seeing someone else while I've been on nights, Julie?"

'What makes you think she's been laying around?'

'We had the perfect marriage until we took the magazine quiz.'

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

'I can always tell when he's lying - his lips move.'

'I'm not saying my wife is cheating, but she's sure hot to practice CPR on my friends.'

'It's always something. He's not married, not gay, not a mother's boy...but he's being sent up for ten to twenty for embezzlement.'

'And that's it in a nutshell son... any questions?'

'I'm his support system.'

'Modern women: part nurturer, part healer, part seeker of clues.'

'That's cute. You're a Virgo and I'm a vegetarian.'

Missing Persons@ 'I don't want him back...I just want to know what he's been up to!'

Gloria knows where you've been tonight, Lance. Apparently, that sandwich she made you for lunch contained salami, cheese, lettuce, tomato and a GPS tracker. !! !!

"What you see, Monica, is a facade. Neat, huh?"

"I knew I'd find you in here scheming."

Wives in the Trees