Romantic Detective Pillows

'Is there something you'd like to tell me, Edna?'

When policewomen date.

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

'It's some more story ideas from Francis Bacon.'

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'Turns out it was J K Rowling, in the drawing room, with a laptop.'

'Oddly enough you're the third person to buy that today!'

The evidence destroyed

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

Virginia could tolerate the Woolf whistles no longer

Mysteries.

RIP William Shakespeare: To be or not to be...

"It's a 12 inch chess board - the game's a foot."

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

"I have always depended on the content of strangers."

Who stole my candy?

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

Bibliomaniac

"It's not what you think."

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

"Is there anyone else in your life I should know about?"

The Mousetrap, by Agatha Christie

"There's a rumour going around my head that you don't love me."

'Roger, I think we need to talk about your trouble with intimacy.'

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

'Have you got any good 'whodunnits'...?'

'Fancy coming on a man hunt?'

Got suspicious after he asked to see a recent picture and she sent over an oil painting.