Romantic Detective Pillows

'Is there something you'd like to tell me, Edna?'

When policewomen date.

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

'It's some more story ideas from Francis Bacon.'

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'Oddly enough you're the third person to buy that today!'

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

Virginia could tolerate the Woolf whistles no longer

The evidence destroyed

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

"It's a 12 inch chess board - the game's a foot."

"I have always depended on the content of strangers."

Who stole my candy?

Mysteries.

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

RIP William Shakespeare: To be or not to be...

Bibliomaniac

"There's a rumour going around my head that you don't love me."

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

"It's not what you think."

'Have you got any good 'whodunnits'...?'

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

'Fancy coming on a man hunt?'

The Mousetrap, by Agatha Christie

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

Got suspicious after he asked to see a recent picture and she sent over an oil painting.

Major Bagstock is delighted to have that oppertunity