Romance Detective Pillows

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

'This is the worst film noir I've ever seen.'

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

"... and I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling forensic pathologists."

Cop gives ASBO to cockerel: 'This of this as a cock-a-doodle-don't.'

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

Who stole my candy?

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"There's a rumour going around my head that you don't love me."

"Is there anyone else in your life I should know about?"

'Fancy coming on a man hunt?'

'Roger, I think we need to talk about your trouble with intimacy.'

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

"It's not what you think."

Got suspicious after he asked to see a recent picture and she sent over an oil painting.

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

"For once I'd like to go on a date where she made eye contact instead of iPhone contact."

"We're compatible in every way. That's my concern; we have nothing to argue about."

'You're free to go. Another suspect matching the description of having big ears and a trunk has just been arrested for the circus stampede.'

She's disappointed. Doctor Frankenstein's online dating profile simply says that he's a "body-builder."

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

'Counterfeiting? Whadda you mean? I was just pumping up the local economy.'

'You want to understand women?...I granted you a wish, not a miracle!'

"I can tell when you're just kissing me to get some of my lip balm, Josh."

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

'I don't know what they see in her. . . I think I'll take a closer look.'

Cheapskate b*****d told me he'd laid on a box for me to watch the races.

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'