Romance Detective Pillows

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

'This is the worst film noir I've ever seen.'

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

"... and I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling forensic pathologists."

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

Who stole my candy?

Cop gives ASBO to cockerel: 'This of this as a cock-a-doodle-don't.'

'Fancy coming on a man hunt?'

"There's a rumour going around my head that you don't love me."

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

"It's not what you think."

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

Got suspicious after he asked to see a recent picture and she sent over an oil painting.

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

'You're free to go. Another suspect matching the description of having big ears and a trunk has just been arrested for the circus stampede.'

"We're compatible in every way. That's my concern; we have nothing to argue about."

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

'Counterfeiting? Whadda you mean? I was just pumping up the local economy.'

"I can tell when you're just kissing me to get some of my lip balm, Josh."

'You want to understand women?...I granted you a wish, not a miracle!'

'Girls! I won't understand them if I live to be six.'

'We had the perfect marriage until we took the magazine quiz.'

'I don't know what they see in her. . . I think I'll take a closer look.'