Young Love Detective Pillows

"The boy next door is spying on me. I saw him Google my name last night through my telescope."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

Who stole my candy?

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

"... and I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling forensic pathologists."

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

"First buttons, then zippers, now we learn to tie our shoes. Is mom trying to tell us something?"

'Roger, I think we need to talk about your trouble with intimacy.'

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

"It's not what you think."

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

'... Because it's the law! That's why!'

"There's a rumour going around my head that you don't love me."

"Is there anyone else in your life I should know about?"

"We're compatible in every way. That's my concern; we have nothing to argue about."

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

She's disappointed. Doctor Frankenstein's online dating profile simply says that he's a "body-builder."

"For once I'd like to go on a date where she made eye contact instead of iPhone contact."

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

Kid to mom: 'How come I ask so many questions?'

'You want to understand women?...I granted you a wish, not a miracle!'

"I can tell when you're just kissing me to get some of my lip balm, Josh."

'Girls! I won't understand them if I live to be six.'

Gloria knows where you've been tonight, Lance. Apparently, that sandwich she made you for lunch contained salami, cheese, lettuce, tomato and a GPS tracker. !! !!

'Mom, I swear it wasn't me! I didn't touch the cookies!'

Cheapskate b*****d told me he'd laid on a box for me to watch the races.

"I'm guessing it's too soon in the relationship for me to totally creep you out."

"You weren't playing hard to get! You were scared of commitment!"