Amateur Detective Gifts

'Nice try buddy, but we know the score. You were involved, but you only played a small part. What we want to know is who orchestrated this thing.'

'It's just until we get the lock fixed.'

Annual Amnesiacs Convention.

"If you can keep a secret, I'll tell you how my husband died."

'It's disgraceful the way they build houses so close together!'

'That area used to be called the 'Bermuda Rectangle', until one of the sides mysteriously disappeared.'

Old lady spying on the neighbours using a webcam.

The pool was empty, the traps were set, and now all he had to do was wait. . . the skaters would come.

'We've been robbed!'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"I'm getting dangerously close to figuring out what I did last night."

Slug Revenge

Confronting the burglars.

Father Christmas' skeleton discovered by Chimney Sweep

A dumb of detectives

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

'What - the thing you bought from me last month has been stolen? Wow! There are some really stupid guys out there, eh?!'

'It looks fishy to me.'

'Get forensic to check this ham sandwich is dead.'

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

"Sir, all I'm saying is that, maybe just this once, we shouldn't discount the possibility that a butler did it."

"And this was the man I thought was your father until E-Z Pass records proved that he was in New Jersey when you were conceived."

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

'I'm going to ask you one more time; who left a hot mug on this table?'

"It's white, sort of crinkly, round looking and about this big..."

Tree Crime Scene

Optician and the PI.

Suspicious man following his wife dressed as a woman

"That's not the stick, it's a blood-stained satchel full of money... but hey, good boy!"

"If I take you to the park, will you tell me where you buried my 9-iron?"

"Okay, what are the people on the floor below that doing?"

'I'll take the case,' I said. Or did I? I fear I'm no longer able to differentiate between interior and exterior monologue.'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

Detective and child follow footprints using magnifying glasses.