Married Life Detective T-Shirts

"Hmph! Your uploaded photos tell a different story."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

Adam and Eve: Reconcilable Differences

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

'Don't be so sensitive,I only dozed of for a moment.'

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

'A mother complex! Are you sure?'

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

"I need a more interactive you."

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

"Is there anyone else in your life I should know about?"

"Uh-Oh, gotta go lads. . . I smell blood!"

"It's not what you think."

"There's a rumour going around my head that you don't love me."

Generation Ex.

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

'Roger, I think we need to talk about your trouble with intimacy.'

'Does it bother you that I use wadded tissues as pillows?'

Mrs. Almighty.

"Honey, I'm home."

'Last week I got a lovely watch for my wife!'

"Don't you think after thirty years of marriage you could stop referring to me as 'the military'?"

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

"For once I'd like to go on a date where she made eye contact instead of iPhone contact."

Cyber Fight

She's disappointed. Doctor Frankenstein's online dating profile simply says that he's a "body-builder."

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

"We're compatible in every way. That's my concern; we have nothing to argue about."

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."