Love Life Detective T-Shirts

"I want a man who's not afraid to share his metadata."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

"... and I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling forensic pathologists."

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"Is there anyone else in your life I should know about?"

"There's a rumour going around my head that you don't love me."

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

"Now give me something intimate to say."

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

"It's not what you think."

'Roger, I think we need to talk about your trouble with intimacy.'

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

'Now read that back to me.'

"We're compatible in every way. That's my concern; we have nothing to argue about."

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

"For once I'd like to go on a date where she made eye contact instead of iPhone contact."

"I just feel like we're not connecting."

She's disappointed. Doctor Frankenstein's online dating profile simply says that he's a "body-builder."

"I gave up on finding Mr. Right and settled for Mr. Chocolate!"

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"I can tell when you're just kissing me to get some of my lip balm, Josh."

'You want to understand women?...I granted you a wish, not a miracle!'

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'