Love Life Detective T-Shirts

"I want a man who's not afraid to share his metadata."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

"... and I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling forensic pathologists."

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

"There's a rumour going around my head that you don't love me."

"It's not what you think."

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

"Now give me something intimate to say."

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

'Now read that back to me.'

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

"I just feel like we're not connecting."

"I gave up on finding Mr. Right and settled for Mr. Chocolate!"

"We're compatible in every way. That's my concern; we have nothing to argue about."

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

"I can tell when you're just kissing me to get some of my lip balm, Josh."

'You want to understand women?...I granted you a wish, not a miracle!'

'I don't know what they see in her. . . I think I'll take a closer look.'