Family Detective Gifts

'I see that you have two sisters and you like the Beatles. I predict that you will graduate in 2012...'

'We haven't had much luck finding your ancestors. But we did manage to trace that suit you're wearing all the way back to the early 80's.'

Bob spent years tracking down his birth parents only to discover the awful truth. They lied. He had never been adopted.

$1: Family Secrets

At last Lonnie Edwards discovers his long lost brother.

"Hey Dad, I noticed that guy called you 'Brother' is there something grandma & grandpa should tell us?"

"You two are awfully quiet. I don't like the sound of that!"

"My birth mother? I've given up looking."

'How do I know he's mine?'

Trying to find your birth father? WIN the lottery, he'll show up.

GENEALOGY - FAMILY TREE RESEARCH, 'Whoa! -- John Wilkes Booth AND Benedict Arnold?'

'He's searching for his roots.'

Genealogy. Being a genealogist is a very satisfying job. I show people who their ancestors are and how they lived. My clients learn about their family's place in history! I always start a genealogical search by compiling marriage records. Of course, that makes sense ... You begin the examination of a family tree by counting the rings!

What's mom's deal? She thinks we lie to her. Careful with the work "we," my little peck. Girls never lie. That was a whopper!

Genealogy Service. Family Trees Traced. I discovered that not only are you heir to an unclaimed family fortune, but I'm your long lost brother Wally!

I've scrubbed the interweb. Internet. And I can find no evidence I've got a long lost, twin sister. What did you search under? The obvious phrase: Wicked-tongue octogenarian with bodacious bod seeks twin sister with the same. Did get one very weird adult site. Earmuffs!

"You know something doc, he weirdly kind of resembles you."

Barks in code.

Thanks to her cat-cam, Cheryl was able to keep her furniture from being shredded while she was at work.

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

A boy acting suspiciously

Murder in Apartment 6-K

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

Sergeant Jones gave the assurance that they had an 'assortment' of leads back at the station. . .

'The word bath is mentioned.'

Man to pets about upside down house: 'I don't care who started it!'

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

"Now how did she know?"

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

'A mother complex! Are you sure?'

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

"My client was across town at the time of the murder, as a quick sniff of Exhibit A will demonstrate."