Family Detective Pillows

'We haven't had much luck finding your ancestors. But we did manage to trace that suit you're wearing all the way back to the early 80's.'

Bob spent years tracking down his birth parents only to discover the awful truth. They lied. He had never been adopted.

$1: Family Secrets

At last Lonnie Edwards discovers his long lost brother.

"Hey Dad, I noticed that guy called you 'Brother' is there something grandma & grandpa should tell us?"

"You two are awfully quiet. I don't like the sound of that!"

"My birth mother? I've given up looking."

'How do I know he's mine?'

Trying to find your birth father? WIN the lottery, he'll show up.

GENEALOGY - FAMILY TREE RESEARCH, 'Whoa! -- John Wilkes Booth AND Benedict Arnold?'

'He's searching for his roots.'

"You know something doc, he weirdly kind of resembles you."

Barks in code.

A boy acting suspiciously

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

Murder in Apartment 6-K

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

'The word bath is mentioned.'

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

Sergeant Jones gave the assurance that they had an 'assortment' of leads back at the station. . .

Man to pets about upside down house: 'I don't care who started it!'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

'I'm glad you're getting so into science, son, but you'll have to ask your teacher about this... jjunnetics thing.'

"Now how did she know?"

'A mother complex! Are you sure?'

"My client was across town at the time of the murder, as a quick sniff of Exhibit A will demonstrate."

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

Those missing socks...where do they go?

"Officer, my cat's stuck up a tree again"

'What makes you say the medication I prescribed for Fido is causing side effects?' 'Meow.'

'There's something wrong with the slow cooker. I check it every minute but nothing's cooking!'

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"