Household Detective Pillows

$1: Family Secrets

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

"Sorry? I wasn't listening."

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

Those missing socks...where do they go?

'There's something wrong with the slow cooker. I check it every minute but nothing's cooking!'

'I see you have been mopping the floor while I was out. Are you doing this to be nice or disposing of evidence?'

"You know something doc, he weirdly kind of resembles you."

"You're closer. You get it."

"There's food in the fridge, and clues about the state of our marriage all around the house."

"The back of the house? Didn't I already show you that?"

'In another universe parallel to our own.'

"This is probably how they keep getting in."

Old lady spying on the neighbours using a webcam.

'That must be the termite inspector.'

"I can smell his fear of commitment."

'We haven't had much luck finding your ancestors. But we did manage to trace that suit you're wearing all the way back to the early 80's.'

'Oooh the Timpsons have got new blinds.' (Blinds read 'Sod off you nosy cow).

'I see you have been mopping the floor while I was out. Are you doing this to be nice or disposing of evidence?' 'Why can't it be both?'

'We may find that there are hidden service charges with this place ...'

House detective.

GENEALOGY - FAMILY TREE RESEARCH, 'Whoa! -- John Wilkes Booth AND Benedict Arnold?'

"Well, you did say that you were looking for a detached property."

'The stove must have been on for about four days. The neighbors said that's about how often you came home.'

"These older homes are tricky. You never know what kind of pipes you'll find."

'What choice do we have? She knows too much.'

"Hang on - I thought you said it was a listed building..!!"

Bob spent years tracking down his birth parents only to discover the awful truth. They lied. He had never been adopted.