House Detective Pillows

'That must be the termite inspector.'

'We may find that there are hidden service charges with this place ...'

House detective.

$1: Family Secrets

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

Those missing socks...where do they go?

Darlene, my intelligence tells me that your fiance is a slob. What intelligence, Rudy? Surveillance photos – dirty clothes and towels thrown on the floor. Dishes piled up in the sink. That's my Mel? How did you get those? Top-flight government spy methods. House of Java.net Cybercafe.

'I see you have been mopping the floor while I was out. Are you doing this to be nice or disposing of evidence?'

'There's something wrong with the slow cooker. I check it every minute but nothing's cooking!'

"You know something doc, he weirdly kind of resembles you."

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

Genealogy Service. Family Trees Traced. I discovered that not only are you heir to an unclaimed family fortune, but I'm your long lost brother Wally!

"There's food in the fridge, and clues about the state of our marriage all around the house."

'Curiosity'

"You're closer. You get it."

"The back of the house? Didn't I already show you that?"

'In another universe parallel to our own.'

"This is probably how they keep getting in."

"I can smell his fear of commitment."

Bad Dog!

Snail Peephole

What's mom's deal? She thinks we lie to her. Careful with the work "we," my little peck. Girls never lie. That was a whopper!

'We haven't had much luck finding your ancestors. But we did manage to trace that suit you're wearing all the way back to the early 80's.'

'Oooh the Timpsons have got new blinds.' (Blinds read 'Sod off you nosy cow).

'I see you have been mopping the floor while I was out. Are you doing this to be nice or disposing of evidence?' 'Why can't it be both?'

'I think it's past its sell-by date.'

GENEALOGY - FAMILY TREE RESEARCH, 'Whoa! -- John Wilkes Booth AND Benedict Arnold?'

"Well, you did say that you were looking for a detached property."

"These older homes are tricky. You never know what kind of pipes you'll find."

'I see that you have two sisters and you like the Beatles. I predict that you will graduate in 2012...'

'What choice do we have? She knows too much.'

"Hang on - I thought you said it was a listed building..!!"

Bob spent years tracking down his birth parents only to discover the awful truth. They lied. He had never been adopted.