Quirky House Detective Pillows

"These older homes are tricky. You never know what kind of pipes you'll find."

$1: Family Secrets

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

Beware of the Lawn

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

For sale sign: 'Unique 16th Century cottage. Similar properties wanted.'

Those missing socks...where do they go?

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

'Let's take out a second mortgage and add a pizza garage.'

"You know something doc, he weirdly kind of resembles you."

"It's got everything: northern exposure, hardwood floors, central tree."

"You rang?"

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

'Did you see who pushed you?'

'The name's Victoria. I was told I could find a gumshoe here.'

"There's food in the fridge, and clues about the state of our marriage all around the house."

'In another universe parallel to our own.'

'I'm sure a little baking soda will freshen it up in here.'

'And every spring, a koi pond shows up in a corner of the basement.'

'I don't think there's anyone home...Or am I just being naive?...'

Junk Mail Shredder.

The Fifth Annual Crow Convention - "If you ask me, I reckon it looks like a murder!"

"I can smell his fear of commitment."

'That must be the termite inspector.'

Bad Dog!

"Buy a bunch of these tiny houses. When you need something bigger, they're stackable!"

'Problems finding good, affordable housing?'

"Why is that moron screaming so loud at something that isn't there?"