Quirky Home Hunter Pillows

"It's got everything: northern exposure, hardwood floors, central tree."

Turtle checking out another shell.

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

' ... and this is the half bath.'

'It started out as just a little knot on the floor,'

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"Sold For sale Ellie Kopp 1-800-238-7463 Yaffle Realty Stop renting. Buy your boot from a boot."

Beware of the Lawn

Mouse real estate!

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

For sale sign: 'Unique 16th Century cottage. Similar properties wanted.'

'The owners are a bunch of clowns.'

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

'This place is rather unusually located. Do you folks like sunsets?'

'We live in a designer trainer.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

'Do we want this one parallel with the floor or the ceiling?'

Coming Soon: Haunted Homes on 60-foot lots.

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

"Yes, I appreciate that it's a converted fire station. But I still think I'd prefer stairs."

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

"You rang?"

'Oh, it's perfect, George! And it has termites, too!'

"Can I suggest a hoarder's house? It's perfect for a young family of rats to move in and share with the current owner..."

"When you said you lived in a fishbowl, I just assumed you never got out."

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

"The one's an en suite and the other's a walk-in wardrobe."

'It's no spelling mistake-the dining room is in the basement.'

Homes of the font designers

"We're interested in a five bath, one bedroom that's on the water."

"Interesting story behind this one..."