Quirky Property Seeker Pillows

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

'An extinct volcano, disused nuclear bunker, or undersea cave - Anywhere within the commuter belt really.'

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

Yard Sale

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"Not to mention the park view."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

Mouse real estate!

Beware of the Lawn

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

For sale sign: 'Unique 16th Century cottage. Similar properties wanted.'

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

'It looked a lot bigger in the photos.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

Edna's Couch and Breakfast.

"It's got everything: northern exposure, hardwood floors, central tree."

'I need to get a bigger place.'

'Do we want this one parallel with the floor or the ceiling?'

"If a sixth borough opens up, I'll let you know."

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

'He missed a 5-foot putt for eagle last year, so he had an exact replica of the green build into the yard.'

"With skyrocketing condo prices these days I can easily get $2.5 million."

Mr. & Mrs. Putty get dream home.

"Can I suggest a hoarder's house? It's perfect for a young family of rats to move in and share with the current owner..."

"...and I have a farmhouse in the city."

'For sale: Igloo w/attached 2 snowmobile garage.'

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

Junk Mail Shredder.

'When you said view of park, you didn't say it was a CAR park!'

'Stu and I joined the Adopt-A-Highway program.'

'Problems finding good, affordable housing?'

The Movers Strip - Use of mirrors in selling a property

"Watch out for the low beams!"