Quirky Property Seeker Gifts

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

'An extinct volcano, disused nuclear bunker, or undersea cave - Anywhere within the commuter belt really.'

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Not to mention the park view."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

Yard Sale

'For Sale by Neighbor'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

Mouse real estate!

Beware of the Lawn

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

For sale sign: 'Unique 16th Century cottage. Similar properties wanted.'

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

'It looked a lot bigger in the photos.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

Edna's Couch and Breakfast.

"It's got everything: northern exposure, hardwood floors, central tree."

'I need to get a bigger place.'

"If a sixth borough opens up, I'll let you know."

'Do we want this one parallel with the floor or the ceiling?'

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

"...and I have a farmhouse in the city."

"With skyrocketing condo prices these days I can easily get $2.5 million."

Mr. & Mrs. Putty get dream home.

"Can I suggest a hoarder's house? It's perfect for a young family of rats to move in and share with the current owner..."

'For sale: Igloo w/attached 2 snowmobile garage.'

Junk Mail Shredder.

'Mr. Jones? I've found a house that fits your funds perfectly! It even has a little garden!'

The Movers Strip - Use of mirrors in selling a property

"Watch out for the low beams!"

'When you said view of park, you didn't say it was a CAR park!'

'This is great, I'll take it.'

'Problems finding good, affordable housing?'