Family Tree Detectives Pillows

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

$1: Family Secrets

'I demand a DNA test.'

'A mother complex! Are you sure?'

'I'm glad you're getting so into science, son, but you'll have to ask your teacher about this... jjunnetics thing.'

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

"You know something doc, he weirdly kind of resembles you."

God changes His will.

Thomas Hunt Morgan

After spending months researching his family tree, Mr Henshaw could think of little else.

CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST, 'He wants to be a cop!'

"If Heather has two mommies, and each of them has two brothers, and one of those brothers has another man for a 'roommate,' how many uncles does Heather have?"

"We've found your birth mother."

'Omigosh! According to your resume, we share the same father!'

"Albert Morris? But I've spent the last six months researching Alberta Morris?!"

Sir Rupert Murgatroyd

'Boy, your mother has a temper!'

'Just between you and me, I'm descended from very small dinosaurs.'

'Last year Frank tried tracing back his roots but came back empty!'

"Stop it, Mom!"

She's got your eyes.

'I think you'll be interested in the next patient. He's ninety two years old and accompanied by his parents.'

"First, I did things for my parents' approval, then I did things for my parents' disapproval, and now I don't know why I do things."

"My mom was a Holstein-Friesian, and my dad was the King of Diamonds."

Jocasta Mothering.

'We haven't had much luck finding your ancestors. But we did manage to trace that suit you're wearing all the way back to the early 80's.'

"Let's see now...genealogy books...genealogy books..."

"Not one of the Dartford Warblers?"

GENEALOGY - FAMILY TREE RESEARCH, 'Whoa! -- John Wilkes Booth AND Benedict Arnold?'

"Ooh, Dave. Your DNA results have come back! According to this, you're 10% German, 15% Irish, and 75% layabout."