Ancestry Detective Pillows

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

'No kings or noblemen, but you're descended from a guy whose cousin knew Benjamin Franklin's cook!'

'Testing, testing, once upon a time, testing...'

"Ordinarily, I'm deeply, completely happy, ...then, wham! I remember we're related to chickens."

'I've traced our family tree back to some lizards in the Mesozoic era.'

'My grandpa was a Pole.'

"Not one of the Dartford Warblers?"

"Not Begat Begat again...we were still doing that last time!"

"Ooh, Dave. Your DNA results have come back! According to this, you're 10% German, 15% Irish, and 75% layabout."

"I retired from my job as head genealogist and never looked back."

"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."

'I demand a DNA test.'

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

"OK, now you've gone back too far."

Man: 'My family tree is infested with termites.'

"Everyone here is alive because I got laid."

God changes His will.

"Good news, Mr. Vanderfirth. We've traced your lineage back to a woman who lived in East Africa two hundred thousand years ago."

After spending months researching his family tree, Mr Henshaw could think of little else.

'Omigosh! According to your resume, we share the same father!'

"As if we didn't already know too much about ourselves, we're having our DNA done."

"We've found your birth mother."

Thomas Hunt Morgan

"Albert Morris? But I've spent the last six months researching Alberta Morris?!"

'I've traced out family tree back to some lizards in the Mesozoic era.'

In today's lesson, we'll talk about our ancestors 'The Mammoths'

Sir Rupert Murgatroyd

'Last year Frank tried tracing back his roots but came back empty!'

"My mom was a Holstein-Friesian, and my dad was the King of Diamonds."

"Let's see now...genealogy books...genealogy books..."

"Our new employee Thomson's great-great-grandfather was Russian, his great-grandmother Greek,his great-grandfather German and his mother Spanish."