Ancestor Detective Pillows

"I hope you don't mind me saying but I think your husband might have got the wrong end of the stick about this tracing your ancestors thing."

Genealogy convention

"When you said you wanted to track down your ancestors I thought you meant on the internet!"

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

'At a guess I'd say it's one of the lesser Pharoahs.'

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

"Pop, what part of ‘rest in peace’ don’t you understand?!"

"It belonged to my great... great creepy Uncle Edgar."

God changes His will.

After spending months researching his family tree, Mr Henshaw could think of little else.

Thomas Hunt Morgan

'Omigosh! According to your resume, we share the same father!'

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'

Dave's most treasured possession was the picture he had of his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather.

"We've found your birth mother."

"Albert Morris? But I've spent the last six months researching Alberta Morris?!"

"This is your great-great-great-great grandfather Felipe. If he was alive, he'd be a very famous man."

'Last year Frank tried tracing back his roots but came back empty!'

Sir Rupert Murgatroyd

"Don't bother wasting your money on DNA testing. The results all come back, 'Ape.'"

"My mom was a Holstein-Friesian, and my dad was the King of Diamonds."

"Let's see now...genealogy books...genealogy books..."

"Ooh, Dave. Your DNA results have come back! According to this, you're 10% German, 15% Irish, and 75% layabout."

'Your DNA test results are now in.'

"Not one of the Dartford Warblers?"

"...then I take out one of these, ll them it's an ancestor, and try to sell it to them."

'...and that's my great-great-great uncle Wilbur. He died of smoke inhalation when his mustache caught on fire.'

'Try searching Criminal Records for your father's family history.'

'My family tree suffered dry rot in 1871.'

'Testing, testing, once upon a time, testing...'

"I retired from my job as head genealogist and never looked back."

'Ted thinks he looks like his side of the family, but I don't see it.'

"And this entire section is the obit of a very thorough genealogist."