Ancestral Detective Pillows

Sir Rupert Murgatroyd

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

'Look! There's a Zyzzkzkk!'

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

'At a guess I'd say it's one of the lesser Pharoahs.'

Alvin, genealogist extraordinaire, traces his roots back to the first amoeba.

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

"OK, now you've gone back too far."

God changes His will.

Dave's most treasured possession was the picture he had of his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather.

'Omigosh! According to your resume, we share the same father!'

Thomas Hunt Morgan

"We've found your birth mother."

After spending months researching his family tree, Mr Henshaw could think of little else.

"Albert Morris? But I've spent the last six months researching Alberta Morris?!"

"Don't bother wasting your money on DNA testing. The results all come back, 'Ape.'"

'Last year Frank tried tracing back his roots but came back empty!'

"My mom was a Holstein-Friesian, and my dad was the King of Diamonds."

"Let's see now...genealogy books...genealogy books..."

"...then I take out one of these, ll them it's an ancestor, and try to sell it to them."

"Ooh, Dave. Your DNA results have come back! According to this, you're 10% German, 15% Irish, and 75% layabout."

"Not one of the Dartford Warblers?"

'Your DNA test results are now in.'

'Testing, testing, once upon a time, testing...'

'Try searching Criminal Records for your father's family history.'

'My family tree suffered dry rot in 1871.'

"I retired from my job as head genealogist and never looked back."

"And this entire section is the obit of a very thorough genealogist."

George's ancestry was unusual.

Geneology Service: 'I'm afraid you fall into our 'better off not knowing' category....'

'No kings or noblemen, but you're descended from a guy whose cousin knew Benjamin Franklin's cook!'

"And guess who this handsome gentleman is? Come on! Take a guess!"