Ancestral Analyzer Pillows

"OK, now you've gone back too far."

"Can Olaf come out to pillage and plunder?"

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

Alvin, genealogist extraordinaire, traces his roots back to the first amoeba.

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

Man: 'My family tree is infested with termites.'

"Good news, Mr. Vanderfirth. We've traced your lineage back to a woman who lived in East Africa two hundred thousand years ago."

'I've traced out family tree back to some lizards in the Mesozoic era.'

"Don't bother wasting your money on DNA testing. The results all come back, 'Ape.'"

Have you even thought of having children, Randy? Of course. I come from a long line of perfect specimens. Each successive generation is more charming, more virile, more irresistible than the last. HOJ. Logic dictates that I am not the end result, I am but a link in the evolutionary chain of Randies. I must reproduce eventually, for the sake of all mankind. How about you? I come from a long line of corporate overlords, each greedier than the last ...

Sir Rupert Murgatroyd

'Aren't you a little worried all that begatting will get out of hand?'

'I did our branch of the family tree. Turns out we're birch and northern pine.'

7 Reasons You Might Be Irish. . .

"Not one of the Dartford Warblers?"

'I come from a long line of Sunday roasts...'

"And these are my ancestors. . . Malcom. The mighty, Simon the Strong, Byron the Brave. . . And Fenwick the Flatulent . . . We don't talk about him much!"

"Ooh, Dave. Your DNA results have come back! According to this, you're 10% German, 15% Irish, and 75% layabout."

GENEALOGY - FAMILY TREE RESEARCH, 'Whoa! -- John Wilkes Booth AND Benedict Arnold?'

"You're the hardest client we've ever had."

'Testing, testing, once upon a time, testing...'

'I'm tracing our family tree, and guess who's the sap?.'

St. Patrick discovers his roots.

"And this entire section is the obit of a very thorough genealogist."

"I retired from my job as head genealogist and never looked back."

"The country grandpa came from was a stinking hellhole of unspeakable poverty where everyone was always happy."

GENEALOGY - FAMILY TREE RESEARCH, 'Whoa! -- John Wilkes Booth AND Benedict Arnold?'

Genealogists, let us trace you family tree - "We've managed to trace your ancestors back to your Dave."

Rejected resumes.

'No kings or noblemen, but you're descended from a guy whose cousin knew Benjamin Franklin's cook!'

Genealogy convention