Ancestral Explorer Pillows

"Don't bother wasting your money on DNA testing. The results all come back, 'Ape.'"

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

Physician tending a mummy.

Tourists in Egypt

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

"Life after death"

Souvenirs.

'Put that down your fool! It's a bone of contention.'

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

'Forget it lads. We've been refused planning permission for this one!'

"This is amazing! Roughly translated, it says 'King Tut was here o.k.'"

Archimedes statue tipped up by a lever.

Alvin, genealogist extraordinaire, traces his roots back to the first amoeba.

"Tut's outdone himself this time."

"Archaeologists discovered several enormous ancient cities buried under the jungles of Cambodia. That means the Khmer civilization was the largest empire on Earth from the 9th to the 12th centuries. That changes everything about our conception of the Middle Ages. What was your conception of the Middle Ages? Well... it was... well, knights, maidens, dragons... mostly dragons. And elves."

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

"OK, now you've gone back too far."

"Have you noticed how climate change looks and feels the same as colonialism?"

1880 Presidential Election - Columbia Consoles General Hancock after Election Defeat

Ferdinand von Zeppelin

"Hi everyone, thanks for channeling in to help me with my ancestry project."

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

"Mum, just curious: when you did the family tree, did you research all the way back to our ancestors on Noah's ark?"

Man: 'My family tree is infested with termites.'

Playing Pyramids

Department of Archaeology Floor Plan

"Good news, Mr. Vanderfirth. We've traced your lineage back to a woman who lived in East Africa two hundred thousand years ago."

After spending months researching his family tree, Mr Henshaw could think of little else.

Dave's most treasured possession was the picture he had of his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather.

'Don't you have any maps of undiscovered secrets of ancient temples?'

Word Of God

'From what I can tell, it was once an Olympic Village.'

"Mr. Crusoe, you have some heft overdue fines."

"Have you seen my Mummy?"