Ancestral Detective Gifts

Sir Rupert Murgatroyd

"Can Olaf come out to pillage and plunder?"

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

'Look! There's a Zyzzkzkk!'

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

'At a guess I'd say it's one of the lesser Pharoahs.'

Alvin, genealogist extraordinaire, traces his roots back to the first amoeba.

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

"OK, now you've gone back too far."

God changes His will.

After spending months researching his family tree, Mr Henshaw could think of little else.

Thomas Hunt Morgan

Dave's most treasured possession was the picture he had of his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather.

'Omigosh! According to your resume, we share the same father!'

"We've found your birth mother."

"Albert Morris? But I've spent the last six months researching Alberta Morris?!"

"Don't bother wasting your money on DNA testing. The results all come back, 'Ape.'"

'Last year Frank tried tracing back his roots but came back empty!'

"My mom was a Holstein-Friesian, and my dad was the King of Diamonds."

"Let's see now...genealogy books...genealogy books..."

'I did our branch of the family tree. Turns out we're birch and northern pine.'

'Aren't you a little worried all that begatting will get out of hand?'

'Your DNA test results are now in.'

"Ooh, Dave. Your DNA results have come back! According to this, you're 10% German, 15% Irish, and 75% layabout."

"...then I take out one of these, ll them it's an ancestor, and try to sell it to them."

"Not one of the Dartford Warblers?"

'Try searching Criminal Records for your father's family history.'

'Testing, testing, once upon a time, testing...'

'My family tree suffered dry rot in 1871.'

"And this entire section is the obit of a very thorough genealogist."

George's ancestry was unusual.

"I retired from my job as head genealogist and never looked back."

St. Patrick discovers his roots.

Geneology Service: 'I'm afraid you fall into our 'better off not knowing' category....'

'No kings or noblemen, but you're descended from a guy whose cousin knew Benjamin Franklin's cook!'