Lineage Detective Gifts

'I traced your genealogy. Better have a seat.'

B**tard, B**tard & B**tard - Genealogists

CIA report

Harry S. Truman

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

DNA Analysis.

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

Frankenstein's Ancestry

'I'm glad you're getting so into science, son, but you'll have to ask your teacher about this... jjunnetics thing.'

Authorization for the Use of Farce

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

Russian Spy Debriefing

"It's five post meridiem in Central Europe. Compliled form the major networks the news is next."

'Don't mind me....I'll just sit here while you work on homeland security, unemployment, health care and your many other prbblems!'

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

'Son, history is important because it's the story of our past that we rewrite to understand our present.'

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."

'Okay, just be patient -- it could be months before they learn to obey all of these.'

'Sodding Sat Nav.'

The Oil of Iran

Ukraine Chasm

Descartes's Demon

God changes His will.

Genealogical picture of Mr. Punch.

'Omigosh! According to your resume, we share the same father!'

After spending months researching his family tree, Mr Henshaw could think of little else.

Thomas Hunt Morgan

'You really have little choice in the matter, Son -- you're a Bramwell, and we Bramwells have always been pompous asses.'

Russian bombers in California

'You DO believe me..don't you?'

The abduction of Europa

"He thinks he's located a World War I torpedo boat. What's exciting at your house?"

Genealogy Service. Family Trees Traced. I discovered that not only are you heir to an unclaimed family fortune, but I'm your long lost brother Wally!

"We've found your birth mother."