Genealogy Detective Gifts

'My family tree suffered dry rot in 1871.'

'Your DNA test results are now in.'

'Omigosh! According to your resume, we share the same father!'

"We've found your birth mother."

"And guess who this handsome gentleman is? Come on! Take a guess!"

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

CIA report

Family DNA

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

Harry S. Truman

'I demand a DNA test.'

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

DNA Analysis.

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

"That's lovely darling, but I don't think that's what your teacher meant when she asked you to draw your family tree..."

The Ukraine, Europe and Fascism.

Frankenstein's Ancestry

Celebrity Phrenologist.

Authorization for the Use of Farce

Well, I'll be...Dutch Elm Disease!

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'

"Now we're leaving the hall of stuff we stole from other cultures and entering the hall of stuff we paid too much for."

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

'Don't mind me....I'll just sit here while you work on homeland security, unemployment, health care and your many other prbblems!'

"Yeah, my great-grandpa was shell-shocked in World War One too..."

Alvin, genealogist extraordinaire, traces his roots back to the first amoeba.

'It took some doing, but I finally traced my roots back to the first amoeba.'

"It's five post meridiem in Central Europe. Compliled form the major networks the news is next."

Russian Spy Debriefing

History Department: 'I used to be a revisionist myself, you know!'

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

'Son, history is important because it's the story of our past that we rewrite to understand our present.'

'Nuts, nuts, nothing but nuts!' When Squirrels Search Their Family Trees.

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

'He looks a bit like both of you.'