Family Tree Detectives Gifts

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

$1: Family Secrets

'I demand a DNA test.'

'A mother complex! Are you sure?'

'I'm glad you're getting so into science, son, but you'll have to ask your teacher about this... jjunnetics thing.'

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

"You know something doc, he weirdly kind of resembles you."

God changes His will.

"We've found your birth mother."

CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST, 'He wants to be a cop!'

After spending months researching his family tree, Mr Henshaw could think of little else.

"If Heather has two mommies, and each of them has two brothers, and one of those brothers has another man for a 'roommate,' how many uncles does Heather have?"

Genealogy Service. Family Trees Traced. I discovered that not only are you heir to an unclaimed family fortune, but I'm your long lost brother Wally!

'Omigosh! According to your resume, we share the same father!'

Thomas Hunt Morgan

"Albert Morris? But I've spent the last six months researching Alberta Morris?!"

'Kenny,your mother and I have decided it's time you knew the truth - you're adopted.'

What's mom's deal? She thinks we lie to her. Careful with the work "we," my little peck. Girls never lie. That was a whopper!

'Last year Frank tried tracing back his roots but came back empty!'

She's got your eyes.

Sir Rupert Murgatroyd

"Stop it, Mom!"

'Boy, your mother has a temper!'

'Just between you and me, I'm descended from very small dinosaurs.'

'I think you'll be interested in the next patient. He's ninety two years old and accompanied by his parents.'

"First, I did things for my parents' approval, then I did things for my parents' disapproval, and now I don't know why I do things."

"My mom was a Holstein-Friesian, and my dad was the King of Diamonds."

Jocasta Mothering.

'We haven't had much luck finding your ancestors. But we did manage to trace that suit you're wearing all the way back to the early 80's.'

"Let's see now...genealogy books...genealogy books..."

"Not one of the Dartford Warblers?"

"Ooh, Dave. Your DNA results have come back! According to this, you're 10% German, 15% Irish, and 75% layabout."

GENEALOGY - FAMILY TREE RESEARCH, 'Whoa! -- John Wilkes Booth AND Benedict Arnold?'