Family Tree Investigator Gifts

"Dang you, Jimmy Buck. I hear you is datin' my sister. Goshamighty heck, Jimmy Roy. She my sister too."

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

Family DNA

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

'I demand a DNA test.'

OOG & SONS HUNTING & GATHERING

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

'He's got your nose.'

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

Well, I'll be...Dutch Elm Disease!

'He's not my Daddy: He's my great great grandfather...'

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

'Periodic table and avoirdupois weight of the Mendeleev family'

The dna double helix, with a human family taking the place of the dna rungs (or bases), illustrating genetic inheritance within the family

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

'There's no stigma in being brought up by apes - I was an adopted child too.'

Man: 'My family tree is infested with termites.'

Mother and child riding a DNA rollercoaster.

"Good news, Mr. Vanderfirth. We've traced your lineage back to a woman who lived in East Africa two hundred thousand years ago."

'I'll read the will.' - 'I don't like the look of this.'

"I sure do have a family. There's my wife's DNA and my kid's DNA."

'Any gunslingers in your family? You're certainly 'Quick on the draw'.'

After spending months researching his family tree, Mr Henshaw could think of little else.

Man at desk researching through papers.

"Albert Morris? But I've spent the last six months researching Alberta Morris?!"

'It would have been easier to prove your father was of sound mind when he wrote this will if he hadn't written it on the headed notepaper of the psychiatric hospital in which he'd been sectioned.'

'I've traced out family tree back to some lizards in the Mesozoic era.'

"Don't bother wasting your money on DNA testing. The results all come back, 'Ape.'"

"Our ancestors used all the hair genes."