Ancestral Investigator Gifts

Realistic Ancestry Chart

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

'I demand a DNA test.'

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

Alvin, genealogist extraordinaire, traces his roots back to the first amoeba.

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

"OK, now you've gone back too far."

Mother and child riding a DNA rollercoaster.

Man: 'My family tree is infested with termites.'

"Good news, Mr. Vanderfirth. We've traced your lineage back to a woman who lived in East Africa two hundred thousand years ago."

"We've found your birth mother."

Roswell 1947

'Omigosh! According to your resume, we share the same father!'

'I'll read the will.' - 'I don't like the look of this.'

'It would have been easier to prove your father was of sound mind when he wrote this will if he hadn't written it on the headed notepaper of the psychiatric hospital in which he'd been sectioned.'

'I've traced out family tree back to some lizards in the Mesozoic era.'

"Don't bother wasting your money on DNA testing. The results all come back, 'Ape.'"

Frank Harris Blurry UFO Photography

Eviction Notice for Earth

Sir Rupert Murgatroyd

"The kids are at that age when they'd really like to know our net worth."

'... And to Mable, I leave whatever was on the trap at the time of my death. '

"Wow. I share DNA with Moby Dick!"

'I come from a long line of Sunday roasts...'

"You're the hardest client we've ever had."