Animal Lineage Detective Gifts

"My mom was a Holstein-Friesian, and my dad was the King of Diamonds."

A Vase has fallen on a cat's head. Are mice to blame?

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

'I'm glad you're getting so into science, son, but you'll have to ask your teacher about this... jjunnetics thing.'

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

"You've got to understand, in my family Dad was the poodle and Mom was the pit bull."

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

"What happened to what cat?"

God changes His will.

"Our researchers have discovered that 'E' is the most common, and only, letter in the dolphin alphabet."

After spending months researching his family tree, Mr Henshaw could think of little else.

Thomas Hunt Morgan

'Omigosh! According to your resume, we share the same father!'

'You really have little choice in the matter, Son -- you're a Bramwell, and we Bramwells have always been pompous asses.'

"Obviously, somebody screwed up somewhere."

"We've found your birth mother."

"Albert Morris? But I've spent the last six months researching Alberta Morris?!"

'Last year Frank tried tracing back his roots but came back empty!'

And remember son, never take your grandfather's picture down from the boardroom - it's bugged.

She's got your eyes.

'To tell you the truth I don't what it is.'

Sir Rupert Murgatroyd

"Let's see now...genealogy books...genealogy books..."

"I'm tripping over bernedoodles, labradoodles, goldendoodles, schnoodles and cockapoos, ...and you want me to somehow believe you're not sleeping around?"

'If you ask me, Inspector, it's a classic case of 'curiosity killed the cat'...'

"...then I take out one of these, ll them it's an ancestor, and try to sell it to them."

"Not one of the Dartford Warblers?"

'Your DNA test results are now in.'

"Ooh, Dave. Your DNA results have come back! According to this, you're 10% German, 15% Irish, and 75% layabout."

"Actually, Tommy, we're just about full-blooded management, except for your grandfather on your mom's side, who was one-quarter labor."

'My family tree suffered dry rot in 1871.'

'Testing, testing, once upon a time, testing...'

'Try searching Criminal Records for your father's family history.'

"I retired from my job as head genealogist and never looked back."