Animal Lineage Detective Pillows

"My mom was a Holstein-Friesian, and my dad was the King of Diamonds."

A Vase has fallen on a cat's head. Are mice to blame?

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

'I'm glad you're getting so into science, son, but you'll have to ask your teacher about this... jjunnetics thing.'

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

"You've got to understand, in my family Dad was the poodle and Mom was the pit bull."

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

"What happened to what cat?"

God changes His will.

"Our researchers have discovered that 'E' is the most common, and only, letter in the dolphin alphabet."

'You really have little choice in the matter, Son -- you're a Bramwell, and we Bramwells have always been pompous asses.'

"We've found your birth mother."

After spending months researching his family tree, Mr Henshaw could think of little else.

'Omigosh! According to your resume, we share the same father!'

"Obviously, somebody screwed up somewhere."

Thomas Hunt Morgan

"Albert Morris? But I've spent the last six months researching Alberta Morris?!"

Sir Rupert Murgatroyd

'To tell you the truth I don't what it is.'

And remember son, never take your grandfather's picture down from the boardroom - it's bugged.

She's got your eyes.

'Last year Frank tried tracing back his roots but came back empty!'

"Let's see now...genealogy books...genealogy books..."

"Not one of the Dartford Warblers?"

'If you ask me, Inspector, it's a classic case of 'curiosity killed the cat'...'

'Your DNA test results are now in.'

"Ooh, Dave. Your DNA results have come back! According to this, you're 10% German, 15% Irish, and 75% layabout."

"I'm tripping over bernedoodles, labradoodles, goldendoodles, schnoodles and cockapoos, ...and you want me to somehow believe you're not sleeping around?"

"...then I take out one of these, ll them it's an ancestor, and try to sell it to them."

"Actually, Tommy, we're just about full-blooded management, except for your grandfather on your mom's side, who was one-quarter labor."

'My family tree suffered dry rot in 1871.'

'Try searching Criminal Records for your father's family history.'

'Testing, testing, once upon a time, testing...'

St. Patrick discovers his roots.