Antique Detective Gifts

'At a guess I'd say it's one of the lesser Pharoahs.'

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

CIA report

Harry S. Truman

"There's more inside."

'Look! There's a Zyzzkzkk!'

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

Frankenstein's Ancestry

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

The Ukraine, Europe and Fascism.

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

Celebrity Phrenologist.

'We're sure they're in there... but we're not certain if they have weapons of mass destruction.'

Authorization for the Use of Farce

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'

"Now we're leaving the hall of stuff we stole from other cultures and entering the hall of stuff we paid too much for."

"...I have the oddest 'earliest memory' and I wanted to share it. It's just as wekkm I guess. Knowing some man secretly attended my first birthday party has caused me to question my parentage all these years....Especially since Mother Park made me promise not to tell Father that the potted plant was acually J. Edgar Hoover."

History Department: 'I used to be a revisionist myself, you know!'

"It's five post meridiem in Central Europe. Compliled form the major networks the news is next."

"Let me through... I’m an armchair detective!"

'Don't mind me....I'll just sit here while you work on homeland security, unemployment, health care and your many other prbblems!'

Russian Spy Debriefing

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

'Son, history is important because it's the story of our past that we rewrite to understand our present.'

1880 Presidential Election - Columbia Consoles General Hancock after Election Defeat

'Okay, just be patient -- it could be months before they learn to obey all of these.'

The Oil of Iran

Mystery section...

'No, not Cro-Magnon - something about it makes me think it's Neanderthal.'

Ukraine Chasm

'Sodding Sat Nav.'

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."

Descartes's Demon

Britain in 410AD

'Don't be absurd, Holmes. There is no way Moriarty could get at our Swiss account!'