Ancient History Detective Gifts

'Look! There's a Zyzzkzkk!'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

CIA report

Harry S. Truman

Stonehenge Explained

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

The Ukraine, Europe and Fascism.

Frankenstein's Ancestry

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

Celebrity Phrenologist.

'The gods are perplexing.'

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'

Authorization for the Use of Farce

"Now we're leaving the hall of stuff we stole from other cultures and entering the hall of stuff we paid too much for."

'At a guess I'd say it's one of the lesser Pharoahs.'

Mummy Tourists

"Thousands of years from now, men will marvel at this and wonder how we did it."

"It's five post meridiem in Central Europe. Compliled form the major networks the news is next."

'Don't mind me....I'll just sit here while you work on homeland security, unemployment, health care and your many other prbblems!'

History Department: 'I used to be a revisionist myself, you know!'

Russian Spy Debriefing

Archimedes statue tipped up by a lever.

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

'Son, history is important because it's the story of our past that we rewrite to understand our present.'

'Sodding Sat Nav.'

Egyptian Library: 'Every week you take out the same book, Anubis.'

Ukraine Chasm

The Oil of Iran

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."

'Okay, just be patient -- it could be months before they learn to obey all of these.'

'No, not Cro-Magnon - something about it makes me think it's Neanderthal.'

Descartes's Demon

'Right there is where he departs from the script.'

The abduction of Europa

'Don't you have any maps of undiscovered secrets of ancient temples?'