Ancient Historian Wannabe Gifts

arrogant child showing off her knowledge of ancient history at a party

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

Tourists

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

"Have you been playing dice?"

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

Sphinx cat and mummy mouse

'It's an extinction notice.'

"He conquered the known world - now all he's got is sudoku."

"I think someone's trying to play games with us."

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

Fertility goddess. Nanny goddess.

Julius is writing a memoir of his youth, but doesn't know what to call it. "Caesar's Salad Days"!

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

'The dreaded Anachronisaurus strikes again!'

Trojan Hurdler.

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

A child at a museum starts to pull the wrappings off a mummy.

The Fall of Gnome

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

Noah's life jacket demonstration

"When I said make it RIGHT, I meant correctly."

'I know the answer. I just need a moment to come to grips with it.'

"Here's the parking lot."

43AD: Romans invade Britain.

Sphinx Comes Alive

Maybe the gods aren't angry. Maybe the gods are just yanking our chain.

Humanities 101. I hear you're reading Greek plays in there. Yeah, it's a real Medea blitz!

Hey, dad, do you think we could play something besides "catch"?

Herding lava back to the fire pit.