Wannabe Historian Gifts

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

'I know the answer. I just need a moment to come to grips with it.'

'Early Laptops.'

What a gentleman imagines while he holds a door open.

"He reports to Grand Central Palace tomorrow."

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

'This 'Hamlet' thing you're working on... Do you think you could write in a part for Lady Godiva?!'

"It was Socrates, wasn't it, who said, 'The unexamined life is not worth living'?"

'Appears to have suicidal tendencies'

Romney refines his platform.

'President George P. D. Q. ?3 Bush today called for Gulf War VIII'....'

An astronaut dowses on the moon.

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'

"Well, I thought of it as an innovative economic stimulus package, but the jury insisted on calling it securities fraud!"

'And remind your father to take out the chicken from the freezer and don't forget to do your homework.'

"Your ordering in French would have been more romantic if you didn't have to read it off your phone."

'I'm not going to argue with you about this Felix! Leonardo Da Vinci did not invent running!'

"The new German Government will fight urgent problems with courage, decisive action, and innovation. . . and without ruining the people financially."

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

"Honey! Remember when we first met and you used to nibble my ear?"

"Wait till you hear this one! This little fella is calling himself a mammal and he reckons one day they're going to dominate the Earth!"

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

Unexpected Help for the Colonists at the Boston Tea Party

Style

'These are the happiest days of your life.'

Soldiers

'This was called a pensioner,they became unfashionable in the early 21st century.'

"If I'd lived back then, I would have signed it, too."

'History keeps repeating itself.', 'You say that every four years.'

Shootout at the Soapy Canal

I'm emulating my dad - running around with mags like this. Looking smart...and in truth I'm just reading the funnies and the horoscopes!