Wannabe Genius Gifts

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

Zorro as a child.

"Next, I'd like to play 'Guantanamera.'"

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

'Hey, 'Houdini', after you figure out how to levitate the cork ou tof the bottle, I can use your magic at the kitchen sink.'

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

"It was Socrates, wasn't it, who said, 'The unexamined life is not worth living'?"

As Seen On TV

Wendel enjoyed magic school but he was having a little trouble in his trickonometry class.

'I could have been the next Neil Young, but my ol' man made me take singing lessons.'

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

'It's not just that he plays games all the time, it's the games he plays. He's not playing 'Guitar Hero,' he's playing 'Guitar Sidekick''.

'I don't see how you can put your profession as TV star just because you were in the crowd of Match of the Day!'

'Well, it is the complete works of Shakespeare all right, however this pig is claiming he wrote it.'

House building chart (like steps).

Wisdom for dummies

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

The Don't-Quit-Your-Day-Job Comedic Revue

Musician sings off key while his dog can only watch,his jaws strapped together

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

"I found my thrill on Blueberry Hill."

"Well they say everyone has a book in them."

'Confessing your sins in a folk ballad was an interesting idea, Larry, but I'm afraid your singing has forced me to add one more sin to your list!'

A young boy shaving

Joel's mum was very strict. . . No homework, no air guitar.

I'm emulating my dad - running around with mags like this. Looking smart...and in truth I'm just reading the funnies and the horoscopes!

And so ended the years of preparation our hero refusing to whimper even now in his final, flopping moments.

'Selma never had a lesson in her life. She picked up all that noise on her own.'

'Jon likes to think he's 'rock 'n' roll'.'

The Island

'Never, Ever...try to imitate LeBron James on the basketball court.'

"Carry yourself like everyone knows you, ad everyone you meet will feel like they should know you."