Wannabe Guitarist Gifts

"Next, I'd like to play 'Guantanamera.'"

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

New Guy.

'Almost anyone can learn to play golf, and you're the 'almost'.'

Zorro as a child.

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

'I could have been the next Neil Young, but my ol' man made me take singing lessons.'

As Seen On TV

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

'It's not just that he plays games all the time, it's the games he plays. He's not playing 'Guitar Hero,' he's playing 'Guitar Sidekick''.

'I don't see how you can put your profession as TV star just because you were in the crowd of Match of the Day!'

Wisdom for dummies

Bear watching a man trying to fish bear style.

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

Musician sings off key while his dog can only watch,his jaws strapped together

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

"I found my thrill on Blueberry Hill."

Before and After Tattoos.

'Confessing your sins in a folk ballad was an interesting idea, Larry, but I'm afraid your singing has forced me to add one more sin to your list!'

In-law country

Joel's mum was very strict. . . No homework, no air guitar.

I'm emulating my dad - running around with mags like this. Looking smart...and in truth I'm just reading the funnies and the horoscopes!

A young boy shaving

'Be reasonable, son - even Santa couldn't get a horse into a box THAT size!'

Dave's new nail gun revived the childhood ambitions he'd had before realizing that he could earn more as a carpenter than as a hero.

And so ended the years of preparation our hero refusing to whimper even now in his final, flopping moments.

'Jon likes to think he's 'rock 'n' roll'.'

'Selma never had a lesson in her life. She picked up all that noise on her own.'

The Island

After the cutbacks at flight simulator school. . .

"We're only here summers, but Roger likes to be taken for a local."

'Never, Ever...try to imitate LeBron James on the basketball court.'