Wannabe Artist Gifts

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

New Guy.

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

As Seen On TV

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

The Don't-Quit-Your-Day-Job Comedic Revue

Musician sings off key while his dog can only watch,his jaws strapped together

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

"I found my thrill on Blueberry Hill."

Before and After Tattoos.

A young boy shaving

'Be reasonable, son - even Santa couldn't get a horse into a box THAT size!'

I'm emulating my dad - running around with mags like this. Looking smart...and in truth I'm just reading the funnies and the horoscopes!

Dave's new nail gun revived the childhood ambitions he'd had before realizing that he could earn more as a carpenter than as a hero.

'Thank you. Do you mind if I spray it about like they do on tv?'

In-law country

Joel's mum was very strict. . . No homework, no air guitar.

And so ended the years of preparation our hero refusing to whimper even now in his final, flopping moments.

'Selma never had a lesson in her life. She picked up all that noise on her own.'

'Jon likes to think he's 'rock 'n' roll'.'

"We're only here summers, but Roger likes to be taken for a local."