Wannabe Artist Gifts

"From now on let's do our drawings inside the cave."

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

New Guy.

Zorro as a child.

"Next, I'd like to play 'Guantanamera.'"

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

'I could have been the next Neil Young, but my ol' man made me take singing lessons.'

As Seen On TV

'It's not just that he plays games all the time, it's the games he plays. He's not playing 'Guitar Hero,' he's playing 'Guitar Sidekick''.

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

Remember how I came in on December 31st and ordered a lardo-size fudgsicle sugarbomb mocha with butter sprinkles? Well, give me another one of those. Since it's something I originally had last year, it'll be like I had this one last year too. So it won't violate my New Year's resolution. The ancient art of Time-Shift-Fu. I'm a tenth level grand master. I studied under Moe Yin, the master who created "it's not really 'cheating' if it's with an ex."

'I don't see how you can put your profession as TV star just because you were in the crowd of Match of the Day!'

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

The Don't-Quit-Your-Day-Job Comedic Revue

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

Musician sings off key while his dog can only watch,his jaws strapped together

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

"I found my thrill on Blueberry Hill."

Before and After Tattoos.

'Confessing your sins in a folk ballad was an interesting idea, Larry, but I'm afraid your singing has forced me to add one more sin to your list!'

In-law country

I'm emulating my dad - running around with mags like this. Looking smart...and in truth I'm just reading the funnies and the horoscopes!

A young boy shaving

Dave's new nail gun revived the childhood ambitions he'd had before realizing that he could earn more as a carpenter than as a hero.

'Be reasonable, son - even Santa couldn't get a horse into a box THAT size!'

Joel's mum was very strict. . . No homework, no air guitar.

'Thank you. Do you mind if I spray it about like they do on tv?'

And so ended the years of preparation our hero refusing to whimper even now in his final, flopping moments.

'Jon likes to think he's 'rock 'n' roll'.'

'Selma never had a lesson in her life. She picked up all that noise on her own.'

"We're only here summers, but Roger likes to be taken for a local."