Wannabe Viral Sensation Gifts

'I'm not getting any hits!' 'Bloggers can't be choosers.'

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

As Seen On TV

Parenting Academy...I failed insemination.

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

'I'm sorry Mrs Jones, but according to these results your womb is extremely inhospitable, and your husband's sperm is gay.'

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

The Don't-Quit-Your-Day-Job Comedic Revue

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

Musician sings off key while his dog can only watch,his jaws strapped together

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

"I found my thrill on Blueberry Hill."

Before and After Tattoos.

Your Ticket to Fame and Fortune...sold out.

A young boy shaving

I'm emulating my dad - running around with mags like this. Looking smart...and in truth I'm just reading the funnies and the horoscopes!

Joel's mum was very strict. . . No homework, no air guitar.

And so ended the years of preparation our hero refusing to whimper even now in his final, flopping moments.

'Selma never had a lesson in her life. She picked up all that noise on her own.'

'Jon likes to think he's 'rock 'n' roll'.'

'But look, Sire -- a whole lot of people have you down as their fifth choice!'

"Carry yourself like everyone knows you, ad everyone you meet will feel like they should know you."

"We're only here summers, but Roger likes to be taken for a local."