Wannabe Grown-up Gifts

A young boy shaving

'Do you think he's ready for the big round-up?'

Zorro as a child.

"You’d think being anthropomorphic would be enough but nowadays you need a Masters to even get your foot in the door."

"Next, I'd like to play 'Guantanamera.'"

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

As Seen On TV

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

'I don't see how you can put your profession as TV star just because you were in the crowd of Match of the Day!'

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

Parenting Academy...I failed insemination.

House building chart (like steps).

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

The Don't-Quit-Your-Day-Job Comedic Revue

'I'm sorry Mrs Jones, but according to these results your womb is extremely inhospitable, and your husband's sperm is gay.'

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

I heard you're on your way to Europe to secure a source of black market hepatitis C drugs. What? What are you talking about? I deny everything. Where did you hear that? You added an airplane pillow, the "German For Dummies," the book "Hep C and You," and "Smugglerco Duffel Bag w/Secret Compartment" to your Amazon wishlist. I ordered you the book "Not Everyone Is Cut Out For A Life Of Crime." I deny everything.

Before and After Tattoos.

I'm emulating my dad - running around with mags like this. Looking smart...and in truth I'm just reading the funnies and the horoscopes!

'I love you, Mom, but I'm going to live with the Obamas now and be the first son.'

The Island

"Carry yourself like everyone knows you, ad everyone you meet will feel like they should know you."

'But look, Sire -- a whole lot of people have you down as their fifth choice!'

'I'm not getting any hits!' 'Bloggers can't be choosers.'

'Never, Ever...try to imitate LeBron James on the basketball court.'

"We're only here summers, but Roger likes to be taken for a local."

"From now on let's do our drawings inside the cave."

"I've got a part in a soap."

Home Station. Ernie thought he was going to be a big movie star. What that didn't happen, he got a job here at the household goods store. How his favorite event of the year is this springtime parking lot sale where all of the warm weather items are brought out. There are variable-speed models, ones that are energy efficient. He gets to put on his sunglasses and and say ... As you can see, I have a huge number of fans!

"I can try all I want, but there's no way I look smooth on this bike!"

"I can grant you three fishes."