Wannabe Anthropomorph Gifts

"You’d think being anthropomorphic would be enough but nowadays you need a Masters to even get your foot in the door."

'Do you think he's ready for the big round-up?'

Zorro as a child.

"Next, I'd like to play 'Guantanamera.'"

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

As Seen On TV

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

"Yep, it says "pesticide"! Not only are they trying to kill us, they also insult us by calling us pests!"

Your Palm

'I'll be talking gibberish to you in a moment. There's a big tip in it for you, if you pretend I'm speaking French.'

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

'I don't see how you can put your profession as TV star just because you were in the crowd of Match of the Day!'

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

The Don't-Quit-Your-Day-Job Comedic Revue

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

Metamorphosis is coming.

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

Who do you think you're kidding? The cub scouts don't have a "special ops."

A young boy shaving

I'm emulating my dad - running around with mags like this. Looking smart...and in truth I'm just reading the funnies and the horoscopes!

And so ended the years of preparation our hero refusing to whimper even now in his final, flopping moments.

The Island

"We're only here summers, but Roger likes to be taken for a local."

'Never, Ever...try to imitate LeBron James on the basketball court.'

"Carry yourself like everyone knows you, ad everyone you meet will feel like they should know you."

TO BOLDLY GO where everyone else went (not all that long ago...)

"I've got a part in a soap."

"From now on let's do our drawings inside the cave."

Home Station. Ernie thought he was going to be a big movie star. What that didn't happen, he got a job here at the household goods store. How his favorite event of the year is this springtime parking lot sale where all of the warm weather items are brought out. There are variable-speed models, ones that are energy efficient. He gets to put on his sunglasses and and say ... As you can see, I have a huge number of fans!

New harder driving tests - Instructor saying 'Find a parking space'.

"I can try all I want, but there's no way I look smooth on this bike!"

"I can grant you three fishes."