Wannabe Polyglot Gifts

'I'll be talking gibberish to you in a moment. There's a big tip in it for you, if you pretend I'm speaking French.'

Zorro as a child.

"You’d think being anthropomorphic would be enough but nowadays you need a Masters to even get your foot in the door."

"Next, I'd like to play 'Guantanamera.'"

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

Orator translates in many languages.

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

As Seen On TV

'I can say 'no' in five different languages: English, Spanish, German, Russian and Karate.'

'I don't see how you can put your profession as TV star just because you were in the crowd of Match of the Day!'

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

"My communication skills are excellent, thank you. Just because nobody in the office understands Ayapaneco."

I heard you're on your way to Europe to secure a source of black market hepatitis C drugs. What? What are you talking about? I deny everything. Where did you hear that? You added an airplane pillow, the "German For Dummies," the book "Hep C and You," and "Smugglerco Duffel Bag w/Secret Compartment" to your Amazon wishlist. I ordered you the book "Not Everyone Is Cut Out For A Life Of Crime." I deny everything.

Before and After Tattoos.

I'm emulating my dad - running around with mags like this. Looking smart...and in truth I'm just reading the funnies and the horoscopes!

'I love you, Mom, but I'm going to live with the Obamas now and be the first son.'

A young boy shaving

"He lacks speaking skills. He only speaks give languages."

The Island

'But look, Sire -- a whole lot of people have you down as their fifth choice!'

'Thanks to Rosetta Stone, I can ask a hooker if she's a cop in three different languages.'

"Hands up all those who know what language we speak."

"Carry yourself like everyone knows you, ad everyone you meet will feel like they should know you."

"From now on let's do our drawings inside the cave."

"I've got a part in a soap."

Home Station. Ernie thought he was going to be a big movie star. What that didn't happen, he got a job here at the household goods store. How his favorite event of the year is this springtime parking lot sale where all of the warm weather items are brought out. There are variable-speed models, ones that are energy efficient. He gets to put on his sunglasses and and say ... As you can see, I have a huge number of fans!

"I can try all I want, but there's no way I look smooth on this bike!"

"I spent six months listening to your tapes trying to learn Spanish, and now I find out it was Serbo-Croatian."

"I can grant you three fishes."