Wannabe Warrior Gifts

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

'Do you think he's ready for the big round-up?'

New Guy.

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

Zorro as a child.

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

'Hey, 'Houdini', after you figure out how to levitate the cork ou tof the bottle, I can use your magic at the kitchen sink.'

Wendel enjoyed magic school but he was having a little trouble in his trickonometry class.

As Seen On TV

My First Boat

"Ohhh... He's out all right!"

Remember how I came in on December 31st and ordered a lardo-size fudgsicle sugarbomb mocha with butter sprinkles? Well, give me another one of those. Since it's something I originally had last year, it'll be like I had this one last year too. So it won't violate my New Year's resolution. The ancient art of Time-Shift-Fu. I'm a tenth level grand master. I studied under Moe Yin, the master who created "it's not really 'cheating' if it's with an ex."

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

"I am a ninja rabbit. I am stealth personified. I am one of the unseen. I am now invisible...Darn."

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

'OK, who wants to be a hero?'

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

Attila is No. 1! We heart Attila! Hooray for Attila! Attila is the man! Yell your king my warriors and I want his castle! Who shall I say is calling?

Lost your helmets during the battle, huh? Who's laughing now?

Who do you think you're kidding? The cub scouts don't have a "special ops."

'They can also be used to keep an eye on the traffic around you.'

'Be reasonable, son - even Santa couldn't get a horse into a box THAT size!'

Trying to thumb his nose at authority, Lumpy stuck his thumb in his eye! Man covering eye with his hand.

"I'm going to demonstrate how dogs are stealth ninjas in the dark. See how I move silently....."

Dave's new nail gun revived the childhood ambitions he'd had before realizing that he could earn more as a carpenter than as a hero.

Driving School Car being Followed by Wreckers.

'Son, as I can see it, your career prospects as a pirate seem to be... hm...limited!'

"We'll stop for a bread, water and toilet break at 11.30... on Tuesday."

'OK, that's strike two. What is your third wish?'

'This one is for 'World of Warcraft 3,'

The Island

'Toupee !!'

'But look, Sire -- a whole lot of people have you down as their fifth choice!'