Wannabe King Gifts

'But look, Sire -- a whole lot of people have you down as their fifth choice!'

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

New Guy.

Zorro as a child.

"Next, I'd like to play 'Guantanamera.'"

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

'The 'most improved player of the year award' or the 'you don't suck as much as you did last year award' goes to...'

As Seen On TV

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

House building chart (like steps).

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

Dave's new nail gun revived the childhood ambitions he'd had before realizing that he could earn more as a carpenter than as a hero.

Trying to thumb his nose at authority, Lumpy stuck his thumb in his eye! Man covering eye with his hand.

'Be reasonable, son - even Santa couldn't get a horse into a box THAT size!'

A young boy shaving

'I love you, Mom, but I'm going to live with the Obamas now and be the first son.'

Driving School Car being Followed by Wreckers.

'Nice 'power tie', professor.'

"Tell me sire. How long have you had these delusions of grandeur?"

The Island

"Well, if we're playing tackle football I'll be the coach!"

"How's business??? I'm barely breaking even!"

'Never, Ever...try to imitate LeBron James on the basketball court.'

"We're only here summers, but Roger likes to be taken for a local."

"I've got a part in a soap."

"I can try all I want, but there's no way I look smooth on this bike!"

"From now on let's do our drawings inside the cave."

"I can grant you three fishes."

"Sure raising my allowance is great, daddy, but what I want is power of attorney!"

"Face it, Earl, ee're dogfoodboys."